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Living with AuDHD as a Late-Diagnosed Woman

By Michelle Labine, PhD May 13, 2025

For a long time, I thought something was wrong with me.

I followed through—even when it cost me. I stuck with things long past the point of burnout, because finishing felt non-negotiable. I could hyper-focus for hours, days, even weeks—utterly consumed, completely invested. But then, just as suddenly, I’d crash. Or move on. Or need something entirely different.

I made the perfect plan. I needed the structure. But once it was in place, I felt trapped by it—stifled, panicked, unsure how to breathe inside the very systems I built.

It wasn’t until I learned about AuDHD—the co-occurrence of Autism and ADHD—that I finally began to understand myself.

What is AuDHD?

AuDHD is a term used within the neurodivergent community to describe individuals who are both Autistic and have Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder. Clinically, this co-occurrence is well documented: research shows that up to 50–80% of Autistic individuals meet the criteria for ADHD, and vice versa (Leitner, 2014; Antshel et al., 2016). However, traditional diagnostic frameworks often fail to capture this intersection—especially in women.

Historically, diagnostic criteria were developed based on young, white, cisgender boys, which means women, girls, and AFAB individuals are frequently missed or misdiagnosed (Lai & Szatmari, 2020; Loomes, Hull, & Mandy, 2017). Masking, people-pleasing, internalized anxiety, and camouflaging behaviors can obscure both Autism and ADHD traits in late-diagnosed women (Hull et al., 2020; Rynkiewicz et al., 2016).

The Push-Pull of a Dual Neurotype

Living with AuDHD can feel like having two competing operating systems running at once—each with its own needs, rhythms, and rules.

  • The Autistic part wants structure, completion, predictability, and quiet.
  • The ADHD part wants spontaneity, novelty, movement, and variety.

Autistic traits can show up as rigid routines, deep focus, sensory sensitivity, and intense interests. ADHD traits may manifest as distractibility, impulsivity, executive dysfunction, and emotional reactivity (Antshel et al., 2016; Gnanavel et al., 2019).

When these neurotypes coexist, it’s easy to internalize confusion or shame. One part of your brain craves control and focus; the other craves freedom and stimulus. This paradox creates what many AuDHD women describe as a lifelong pattern of overfunctioning followed by shutdown or burnout.

The Impact on Late-Diagnosed Women

Late-diagnosed women often describe feeling “too much” and “not enough” at the same time. Before diagnosis, many develop compensatory strategies that allow them to succeed academically or professionally—but at a personal cost. They often struggle with:

  • Chronic burnout and exhaustion (Raymaker et al., 2020)
  • Executive dysfunction and emotional dysregulation
  • Deep shame around “inconsistency” or “messiness”
  • A sense of failure around unmet potential or unfinished projects
  • Masking to survive socially, only to feel disconnected from the self

A late diagnosis can bring clarity and relief, but also grief—grief for the years spent trying to “fix” something that was never broken, just misunderstood (Lewis, 2022; Kearns, 2022).

Healing as an AuDHD Woman

Healing from a lifetime of misattunement starts with understanding.

Here are some emerging strategies that resonate with AuDHD women:

Reframing Inconsistency
The shift from self-blame to self-awareness is profound. What once felt like personal failure is actually executive functioning differences (Barkley, 2015). Tools like body doubling, visual task boards, and novelty-reward systems help support momentum.

Unmasking Perfectionism
Perfectionism is often a trauma response to chronic invalidation or misattunement (Cook et al., 2021). Letting go of the “all-or-nothing” mindset opens up room for experimentation, rest, and authentic expression.

Creating AuDHD-Affirming Environments
This might include quiet sensory spaces and flexible schedules, parallel play with partners or friends, and working with coaches or therapists who understand the dual neurotype.

Redefining Identity
We are not broken. We are wired differently—and that wiring includes creativity, passion, and an ability to perceive and connect in nuanced ways (Walker, 2021).

The Gifts of AuDHD

Yes, AuDHD can be frustrating. But it’s also profoundly beautiful.

You can think divergently and obsessively. You can hyperfocus and daydream. You care deeply, see patterns others miss, and create meaning from complexity. You may never fit the mold—but you were never supposed to.

And now you don’t have to.

References

  • Antshel, K. M., Zhang-James, Y., & Faraone, S. V. (2016). The comorbidity of ADHD and autism spectrum disorder. Expert Review of Neurotherapeutics, 13(10), 1117–1128. https://doi.org/10.1586/14737175.2013.840417
  • Barkley, R. A. (2015). Taking Charge of ADHD: The Complete, Authoritative Guide for Parents. Guilford Publications.
  • Cook, J. E., Crane, L., Hull, L., & Mandy, W. (2021). Camouflaging in autism: A systematic review. Clinical Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 26(1), 8–24. https://doi.org/10.1177/1359104520962477
  • Gnanavel, S., Sharma, P., Kaushal, P., & Hussain, S. (2019). Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and comorbidity: A review of literature. World Journal of Clinical Cases, 7(17), 2420–2426. https://doi.org/10.12998/wjcc.v7.i17.2420
  • Hull, L., Mandy, W., Lai, M. C., et al. (2020). Development and validation of the Camouflaging Autistic Traits Questionnaire (CAT-Q). Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 50, 819–833. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-019-04362-z
  • Kearns, M. (2022). I Overcame My Autism and All I Got Was This Lousy Anxiety Disorder. Jessica Kingsley Publishers.
  • Lai, M. C., & Szatmari, P. (2020). Sex and gender impacts on the behavioural presentation and recognition of autism. Current Opinion in Psychiatry, 33(2), 117–123. https://doi.org/10.1097/YCO.0000000000000575
  • Leitner, Y. (2014). The co-occurrence of autism and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder in children – what do we know? Frontiers in Human Neuroscience, 8, 268. https://doi.org/10.3389/fnhum.2014.00268
  • Lewis, L. F. (2022). The experience of late-diagnosed women with autism: A qualitative analysis. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 52, 2152–2164. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-021-05038-x
  • Loomes, R., Hull, L., & Mandy, W. P. L. (2017). What is the male-to-female ratio in autism spectrum disorder? A systematic review and meta-analysis. Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, 56(6), 466–474. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jaac.2017.03.013
  • Raymaker, D. M., Teo, A. R., Steckler, N. A., et al. (2020). “Having all of your internal resources exhausted beyond measure and being left with no clean-up crew”: Defining Autistic burnout. Autism in Adulthood, 2(2), 132–143. https://doi.org/10.1089/aut.2019.0079
  • Rynkiewicz, A., Schuller, B., Marchi, E., et al. (2016). An investigation of vocal expression of emotion in youth with and without autism spectrum disorder. PLOS ONE, 11(11), e0165387. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0165387
  • Walker, N. (2021). Neuroqueer Heresies: Notes on the Neurodiversity Paradigm, Autistic Empowerment, and Postnormal Possibilities. Autonomous Press.